YOU KNOW YOU’VE BOOKED A CHEAP FLIGHT WHEN…

As you board the plane, you notice the co-pilot is frowning and wearing an “I’m with Stupid” T-Shirt.

The Captain announces over the intercom the Flight is delayed while he looks for his keys.

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Occasionally, airline flight attendants make an effort to make the “in-flight safety lecture” a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:

“As we prepare for takeoff, please make sure your tray tables and seat backs are fully upright in their most uncomfortable position.”

“There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 6 ways out of this airplane…”

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A tourist is traveling with a guide through one of the thickest jungles in South America, when he comes across an ancient Mayan temple. The tourist is entranced by the temple, and asks the guide for details. To this, the guide states that archaeologists are carrying out excavations, and still finding great treasures. The tourist then queries how old the temple is.

“This temple is 1503 years old”, replies the guide.

Impressed at this accurate dating, he inquires as to how he gave this precise figure.

“Easy”, replies the guide, “the archaeologists said the temple was 1500 years old, and that was three years ago”

10 Questions from Cruise Ship Passengers:

1. What time is the midnight buffet?
2. Will the elevator take me to the front of the ship?
3. How do I find my picture?
4. Do the crew sleep on board?
5. Does the ship generate it’s own electricity?
6. Are the entertainer’s paid?
7. Someone asked me this when trying to find a lounge - ‘Can you get there from here?’
8. Is there water all around the island?
9. Is there a train that goes to all of the islands?
10. Where are Cuban cigars from?

And your bonus # 11.  Where is the bus for the walking tour?

WHERE ARE WE?

A man and his wife were driving their Recreational Vehicle across the country and were nearing a town spelled Kissimmee. They noted the strange spelling and tried to figure how to pronounce it - KISS-a-mmee; kiss-IM-mee; kiss-i-MMEE. They grew more perplexed as they drove into the town.

Since they were hungry, they pulled into a place to get something to eat. At the counter, the man said to the waitress:

“My wife and I can’t seem to be able to figure out how to pronounce this place. Will you tell me where we are and say it very slowly so that I can understand.”

The waitress looked at him and said: “Buuurrrgerrr Kiiiinnnng”.

Rising fuel costs are forcing airlines to become more efficient, to add ‘fuel surcharges’ to their flight prices, and to get very creative in cutting costs.  This means that they are eliminating or charging for things that we have taken for granted in the past, such as snacks, pillows, and even luggage!

Or how about this more recent (and shorter) interpretation of airline gouging from MAD TV:

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